WILLPOWER: Intention & Determination
June 19, 2017
Ways to become the greatest in whatever you do
June 29, 2017

Solution to Divorce

A man once came to a town and asked the local sage, “I’m thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?”

The sage asked the man, “What kinds of people live in the town you came from?”

“Where I’m from the people are liars, cheaters, and mean spirited,” the man responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

Then another man came to town and asked the sage the same question, “I’m thinking about moving here. What kinds of people live here?”

The sage asked the man, “What kinds of people live in the town you came from?”

“Where I’m from the people are wonderful, kind, and courteous,” the man responded.

“The people are the same here,” said the sage.

There is a statistic that says that 50% of FIRST marriages has a potential to end in divorce.
Do you know what percent of SECOND marriages end in divorce from that research? It should be LESS than 50%, right? After all, who would make those same painful mistakes again? People marrying a second time have the “benefit” of knowing what kind of person to pick this time, right?

The divorce rate for SECOND marriages is 70%! And THIRD marriages; closer to 80%!

“Dayo, you mean my chances get worse not better?” That’s what a client said!

That’s right. Because the key to succeeding in marriage is NOT finding the right person; it’s YOU becoming the right person. Did you know that women who finally get out of abusive relationships usually fall in love with another abusive man? What bad luck, right?

Did you know that men whose first wives cheated on them usually get cheated on by their second wife too? How could that be? You’d think that after suffering the torment of infidelity, a man would only marry a woman with impeccable morals and unwavering commitment.

You’d think…but it doesn’t work that way.

People are not as you see them; people are as YOU are.

What do you get when you smile at someone? You get a smile back. And if you stare at someone? You get a stare back. What you get is what you are.

We’re NOT an objective observer of the people in our life; we’re a subjective influence. In other words, our presence changes what we observe.

Let me give you a simple example. Let’s say you wanted to measure the temperature in a small room. So you bring a thermometer into the room and wait for a reading. But since your body temperature is 98.6 degrees, the fact that you’re in the room changes the reading you get. As long as you’re there, things are different.

It works the same in marriages. Your relationship is not simply a function of who you pick; it’s also a function of who you are.

Who you are and who your spouse is mixes to form the dynamics of your relationship. I know you want your spouse to change. And YES your marriage would be better if they did. But YOU changing can change things just as well.

No matter what your spouse did to cause your marriage to deteriorate, they’re responsible. And they should change. But you played a role too. I know that’s hard to hear. It’s a bitter pill to swallow. But once you swallow it, you’re no longer a helpless victim; you become empowered to change circumstances that seemed out of your control.

It’s easy to confess your spouse’s sins. And you’re probably correct about what your spouse needs to change. But it does no good to be right. And it’s a complete waste of time and energy to focus on your spouse’s problems. There’s little you can do about it. I can assure you your spouse will change even as you change through this relationship fitness building training.

You had a role in the deterioration of your marriage. I’ve never seen a marital situation caused by one spouse. There’s always dual responsibility. What can YOU do to improve the situation?

Even if your spouse had an affair, let me shock you that you’re partly responsible. That doesn’t mean that it’s your fault and it doesn’t excuse your spouse’s inappropriate behavior, but the question still remains: What was your spouse seeking outside your marriage that was not available within it?

Now there is one more important point. You’ve got to make the right changes. Like a scientist, you have to know EXACTLY what changes to make to get the outcome you’re looking for.

Dayo Fawusi
Dayo Fawusi
I am Dayo Fawusi - a UK certified professional life coach, US certified behavior consultant, writer, entrepreneur and a champion in Lean Six Sigma methodology. I am a gentle, optimistic and refined People manager, who looks for balance and harmony everywhere with a great sense of justice. I have a mission to cooperate, to persuade, to mediate, to conciliate, equalize things around me and work for the peace and harmony of the world. I have a deep interest in human performance development and world cultures. I spend most of my time coaching individuals and consulting on strategy, innovation, projects and human resource development. I have consistently in my previous jobs working with multinational and multifunctional groups, demonstrated strong ability to motivate, challenge and inspire individuals and groups to greater participation and dedication. I am skillful in creating vision, managing change and motivating others to achieve excellence in performance. I have great ability to identify patterns, structures and connections within information and quantifiable data.

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